i've just discovered the subtle wear-zone on my jeans that foreshadows their eventual downfall. it's like realizing the person you love is going to break up with you. it's just a matter of time.

from "stamen," by dustin arnold and nicholas cope

my first reaction was man, these are vulgar. upon closer examination, though, the vulgarity disappears. oh well. more here.






also, i'm going to do a half marathon.

i have lost sixty pounds. i now weigh as much as i did as a freshman in high school, when i was on the wrestling team. i stopped trying to lose weight about ten pounds ago but the rest has happened as a result of being addicted to exercise. so hey, i'm not complaining.

i gained those sixty pounds because when i was in high school, they tried to medicate the teenager out of me. then i went to college and made poor health choices for a couple of years.

here are some conceptions of sixty pounds:

the average weight of a border collie.



the weight of this hamburger.



this much pot.



a child big enough to not have to use a car seat in the state of california.

nude, dunes

edward weston.

oh i love it. costume sketch for louis xiv, who was given the role of THE SUN in jean-baptiste lully's ballet de la nuit in 1683. this king was extremely important in the co-development of ballet and french opera, and could apparently dance the courante better than anybody else in france. and here is his costume as THE SUN.

augusta withers, 1792-1869. botanical artist in london and worked as the Flower Painter in Ordinary for queen adelaide in the 1830's and '40's. she was considered is now of the most significant contributors to the british collection of orchid plates, though she would die penniless and of pneumonia.

today i find myself being really captivated by her paintings of fruit.

RULE SEVEN:
The only rule is WORK. If you work it will lead to something. It's the people who do all of the work all of the time who eventually catch on to things.



week six of grad school: survived.

i keep waiting for somebody to come into the practice room and point an accusatory finger at me: aha! i'm onto you! you don't have a clue what you're doing! you better get outta here, girl, before They find out.

there has been crying in a bathroom stall and sunny afternoons of elated, relieved accomplishment. a sense of comfort and growth is usually immediately followed by an increased workload.

but i'm here to grow in music and baby i'm gettin' growed.

i have a problem with making rash decisions over these last couple of years. i'm going to go abroad for a couple months maybe because i have an under the table job in the middle of nowhere. i'm going to buy a one way ticket to somewhere i've never been and then live there. i'm going to get a masters degree in something i've never done.

i'm just swinging punches into the dark and waiting to for one of them to hit something solid.

i dont want to practice.

one day.