"you're spending all your time in the right side of your brain," she said. i dont know how much truth that holds, though it is probably surprisingly little.
these last several days have found me practicing into a state of euphoria. i do not suddenly become technically more able (though relaxing is certainly part of it, which can only help the sound), or more accurate in my playing. it is an intense musical clarity and totally focused thought, so it is the quality of sound and control of musicality rather than "hitting notes" that improve. the great majority of previous euphoric episodes have correlated with complete or nearly complete run-throughs of pieces, and not slice-and-dice passage work. musicians experience this frequently; it is the drug of practicing, the days when you can see god. regardless of the arrival method, there is no doubt that it is a fundamentally alerted state of mind. something changes in the brain. it would make sense that the longer and more frequently one spends in a musically euphoric state the more effect it has on one's brain. the realization that i was spending time there without any concept of the physiological consequences ... was bothersome. and so i did some research.
there is either very little understanding of what exactly happens while one is playing music, or i am just not good enough with my doctor-lingo to effectively navigate their seas of knowledge. in a brute overview, performers often get hit by a truckload of dopamine, which explains the performance/competition addiction. however, performing is not playing. there is a certain honesty in playing for oneself that is very difficult --at least for me-- to take onstage, and the high seems to have a more religious tone when in isolation. (again, i only speak for myself. if you are a musician with things to say in this regard, i'm all ears.)
on the other hand, there have been a lot of studies of people listening to music, probably because it is easier to do MRI's of a person lying still than of a person sawing at the violin. according to this layman-unfriendly article, when a listener gets chills, the same centers of reward and emotion that correspond with sex and chocolate light up (which any musician could have told you):
which is a really totally useless graphic unless you are familiar with the brain. but it looks good on the page. visually curious cross sections.
anyway, i feel like i have a lot of work to do.
musicians, i'd like to hear your thoughts.
2 comments:
sex, chocolate and music all have the same effect? I could have told them that! I read about half the article, and maybe half of the discussion at the end. That is what I want to study, the effects of music on the brain. One group of doctors worked with a man with who said a certain piece of music helped him recover from long-term memory loss.
I definitely get that sort of euphoric feeling when I am playing for myself and it is going well. That feeling of just letting your fingers fly and listening to the sound waves change, it's hypnotic. Thanks for writing this, I'm going to try to think a little more critically about what I am experiencing when I play or listen to music.
And I liked the graphic :)
I almost always do better performing than when I practice. When I read through a piece for the first time, I'm just getting to know it, like getting to know an acquaintance. Of course we've been betrothed by my teacher--the piece and I must develop a relationship if we ever want to achieve some level of fulfillment. So we talk a little more, sometimes disagreeing--sometimes I have to change my entire view on life so we can see eye-to-eye.
When we finally get to perform together, I am in front of everyone. That is the moment I get down on one knee and ask, "Sonata in f minor for Clarinet and Piano, will you marry me?" The piece jumps up and down in blind joy, screaming "Yes! Yes, I will!"
Then we experience the culmination of our relationship, together, in front of everyone. Nothing matters then except for me and the music, and I can't go back. (I tend to look back a lot while practicing. It's also harder when I have to be accompanied, because up until a few days before the performance I can only imagine what the piano part is supposed to sound like.)
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