on the subject of northern california in the year 2009

from my bedroom window i can see the highway that runs the length of california. a man is trying to get onto the highway in somebody else's car, but he doesn't have anybody else or their car yet.

several months ago i tried to write at the same time at the same time as i was driving south: "this steady state of migration to the outside of ourselves/ highways are a fascinating endless". the words scatter across the page like a topographic map.

i am obsessed with the idea of a road that can take you for 1540 miles with countless installations of buck-fifty units of gas station coffee that always taste like coming home. i am obsessed with the idea that you are at home even if you have no idea where you are except that you are in california.

this man has a garbage bag thrown over his shoulder and a stick that measures the distance between the palm of his hand and the ground. the ground is covered in that short hopeful grass that only grows on the side of highways in california.

"motherfucking californians!" he shouts.

and then he shouts some more. the cars move blindly past him and muffle his words like a flock of pigeons all rising at once. a simultaneous departure from the cool city square of his eagerness.

every day there is somebody else who wants to slide down the chute of california. some have colorful handkerchiefs, or dogs, or parts of bicycles, or parts of dogs, or pieces of cardboard with bent corners. sometimes i think about taking off my clothes and standing at the window just to see what happens.

sometimes a cop car will sidle up real gently like, as if it is going to ask them to the prom.

"free -- fucking get out -- goddamned future -- every californian's future --"

there seem to be equal instances of the words "fucking" and "california."

"you fucking hate niggers!" he continues shouting.

and this is where he is wrong!
dear sir, they're not picking you up not because you're black, but because you look like a crazy screaming homeless guy. you look like a wild screaming bird with cold marble eyes frenzied and trapped in the subway.